A Writer’s Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas, my karma brought to me:
A manuscript in a mad tangle
I’m grateful to have a complete first draft. Really. But the tangle starts on page 2.
Two hackneyed plots
It’s not that I’m a plagiarist. It’s just that my memory gland is too strong for my imaginary gland.
Three foreign phrases
I don’t use them myself. So where are my characters getting them?
Four dimpled darlings
Such adorable turns of phrase! Why do my readers get that gag-me-with-a-Smurf expression?
Five false starts
Once, you got a litter of crumpled paper on the floor, signifying writerly despair. Now it’s just delete…delete…delete….
Six friends kibitzing
I rely on their advice. And there’s so much of it! But I like to share my toys.
Seven cocktails calling
My protagonist knocks back Scotch. F. Scott Fitzgerald was drunk more than he was sober. Why do I have to stick to coffee?
Eight deadlines looming
I should be so lucky.
Nine unanswered queries
Ten howlers howling
Last week I left the same corpse in two places at once.
Eleven critics carping
See Eight and Nine above.
Twelve distractions dithering
E.g., Christmas. Happy holidays, all!
Posted on December 14, 2015, in writing, Writing Group and tagged 12 Days of Christmas, cocktails, critics, darlings, deadlines, distractions, false starts, foreign phrases, howlers, kibitzing, plagiarism, plot, queries. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Love, love, love this! Wasn’t sure how you were going to pull it off but you did…my favorites: “I should be so lucky/See above” and “gag me with a Smurf.” Sure brings back the old days….I just don’t get why you stick to coffee and leave the good stuff to your protagonist, who is (spoiler alert) afflicted with–OK, I won’t reveal any more!!
Oh, Heidi, you are just too much.
I love day eight myself. When will we get so lucky? Or does luck have anything to do with it? Personally I don’t think that there is a anything wrong with your imaginary gland. It’s not even imaginary–your imagination is real. It’s front and center in your brain, right where it’s supposed to be. Don’t ever stop using it.